To Love or Not To Love?

Tags

change, life, love, pain, relationships

Out of all the things we as humans go through, relationships are the hardest.  We have all kinds of relationships in our lives, but the hardest ones are the ones that pertain to the emotion of love.

What is love?

The poets have tried for generations to define love.  Robert Frost said, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”  William Shakespeare wrote that “love is a spirit of all compact of fire.”  Lastly, Lord Alfred Tennyson defined love as “the only gold.”  Poets have tried to wrap their words around such an emotion, but can only really describe it as an animated feeling that overcomes a person.

With love comes a relationship.  That could be a double-edged sword in the fact that you either want to love the person that your attracted to or you fight yourself from loving that person because of who they are (i.e. sister’s boyfriend, someone who isn’t accepted in the family, etc.).  Regardless, love is not something we can stop feeling for a person.  We can try and we won’t succeed.  It is that powerful of an emotion.  As First Corinthians 13 states, “. . .above all these, love is the greatest.”

Relationships are the hardest because you open yourself to be vulnerable to someone else that you have to trust won’t hurt you.  When the hurt comes, and it always does because we’re human, it stings with a burn that doesn’t go away as quickly as it would with a friend doing the same thing to you.  The burn scars and you are reminded of the pain when you see the scar.  Hopefully, the scar fades as time goes by and the reminder is not there all the time anymore.  Love hurts you the most because of the vulnerability.  You cannot fully love someone without being vulnerable.  You open yourself wide and hope that the person you’re with handles you with kid gloves.

What happens when the pain and the scars build?  You close down.  You no longer leave yourself vulnerable for fear of being hurt again.  Then you see a turn, a change, the alteration of the person after they realize that they have hurt you.  You start to open back up, until your mind “looks” at the scars.  An instinct hits and you shut down.  You push away.  You’re done.  You cannot love without trust.  They leave.

Days go by.  You sit and you wonder why you shut down.  You realize that there was no reason for the shut down except maybe pain would come soon because it was too good to be true.  Something had to be amiss.  Then you see that nothing was amiss.  Nothing bad was going to happen.  You want that person to be there.  You realize your mistake, but also know how things can change to make it work.

Relationships.  This is a scenario that a lot of us go through.  It can even get worse than this (i.e. cheating partners, working in another State, etc.)  Relationships come with problems because no relationship is perfect.  Relationships are not easy to go through.  You are no longer calling all the shots in your world; there is someone else to think about that is part of you.  Part of you that you don’t want to lose.  Part of you that you would never fathom to hurt.  Part of you that makes your world better.

I guess of all the writers and poets, maybe Mark Twain said it best with, “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.”  Life is better with love in it.  For as much as you hurt from love, remember it will also bring the same amount of joy.  That’s the yin and yang of life.

Surrounded by Relationships!

Tags

friends, friendship, life, random, relationships

We all have them.  We are surrounded by them all the time.  Even when we’re alone, they still linger in the air.  Relationships are consistent in everyone’s life.  No man is ever an island to himself (or women, so I’m not being sexist).  Relationships are what makes our life go round and round.

Think about it.  Our lives are riddled with relationships at every corner. We wake up in the morning and there are our children, husband or even just the dog/cat.  We get in our vehicles, wave at our neighbor and drive to work, to encounter relationships with our boss and co-workers.  We leave from work and go to the grocery store (where we always go) and get in the line with the cashier that we see at least twice a week while we grab yet another gallon of milk.  After we get back into the car, we get a call from a friend to see how our day went and to get the latest gossip.  We go home, make dinner, mingle with the kids and hubby or just feed the dog and love on it for a while.  Mom calls to see how the job is going and just to check in on you.  Then we go to bed.

Relationships.  Humans are not meant to be alone.  God made two of everything, including man so we wouldn’t be alone.  There are various types of relationships:  mother/child, father/child, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, dog/owner, friend/friend, boss/employee, and so on and so on.  Relationships are part of what makes life worth it all.  If one of your relationships are not going well, then all the other ones become a greater importance or you might lean more on one particular relationship than that troublesome relationship.  For instance, you have a problem in a boss/employee relationship, you might go home and lean more towards your husband/wife or friend/friend relationship and talk about what is going on at work. 

So, someone might want to bring up that someone can be an “island” to themselves with no relationships.  Even Emily Dickinson, who was a recluse, had relationships with her friends through writing correspondence.  Furthermore, even though only a few of her poems were published in her lifetime (her sister found them after she died and had the remainder published), Dickinson still had a relationship with her readers.  Even recluses require some type of relationships with the rest of the world.

Relationships are what makes us stronger as a person and teaches us lessons in life.  We look to our relationships around us for support, guidance and sometimes just to have a shoulder to cry on.  We cannot live without the people around us and if you think you could, try staying in your house for just two days without hearing from anyone and being by yourself.  You’ll most likely start feeling like the house is closing in on you, and you’ll be ready to talk to someone (possibly even anyone at that point).  As humans we are social and being social shows us lessons that we apply to our own lives.  This goes for both good and bad relationships that we have with various people. 

All and all, I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone should stop for one moment . . . think about what relationships you have . . . relish the fact that you aren’t alone, no matter what happens, someone is there.  So go today, hug your significant other, kiss your children, give your dog another treat and tell everyone how important their relationship is to you.  (I would however discourage doing this with the cashier at the grocery store.  This might freak them out a little bit and  it might make you look like a stalker.  Just give them a nice smile and tell them to have a wonderful day, and mean it when you say it!) 

I love you my friends and family!  You are all very important to me and I have learned so much from you all.  My life would not be the same and the road I’m on is because of all of you in my little world!

That Particular Part

Tags

change, Humor, life, perfect, random

Every woman has a particular part of her body that she does not like!  It could be the arms (watch them flab!), the tummy (jeez what did the kids do to me!) or the legs (I’m suppose to fit what into those jeans?).  This isn’t something that is new to each woman because even as a teenager, there was that “part” that we hated about ourselves.  It may have changed throughout the years, but the “part” is what haunts us when we look at ourself in the mirror, when we go clothes shopping and when we’re in a bathing suit (aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!).  We women know that our body is not perfect, and if you are the one-in-a-billion female that does, please post below and let me know your secret! 

I  know that my “part” is my thighs!  Argh!  The bad reality about my thighs are that I read one time that the thighs are the one place you can work on, but you will never get rid of!  You inherited your hips and thighs from your mother.  After reading that, I realized that I do have my mother’s thighs, but they look so much better on her.  She’s little, petite and cute as a button.  I’m taller than her, weigh more and these thighs could be thinner for me to be happy! (Oh but mom…I love my hips!  Woo hoo! Shake, shake, shake!)

Why am I using this as my topic tonight?  Well, I don’t have kids this week and thought that I have time to hit the gym again to tone up.  By all means, summertime with bathing suits are coming and I would like to be a little secure in the sun (even though my body is as white as they come).  I did my weights, my ab workout and then got on the elliptical for my mile that I always do (yeah, yeah, yeah, I don’t want to hear how someone else does five miles in fifteen minutes or something amazing like that).  I felt good and got into the hot sauna for a little while (my favorite).  I was sitting there sweating and thought “Maybe this sauna will melt the fat off my thighs!“  As I sit there longer, I realize that there isn’t any sweat coming from my thighs.  The sweat is coming from my stomach, lower back, arms and of all places my boobs.  Pretty much all us women don’t want to lose boobs.  It’s a lot of pain to grow them, to lose them would suck!

Then I thought about the fact that every woman (well probably about 95% of them) in the gym is trying to work on that one “part.” The bad thing is that no matter how much we work that “part,” we’ll never really be happy with it when it probably looks better than anyone else’s around.  As much as guys might think that this is competition between women, it really isn’t.  We have a perceived idea of what we “should” look like from the media around us, or our friends around us when we were growing up, or even the clothes we wear and how they “fit” on us.  “Thin is beautiful!”  Not true, some of the most beautiful people I have met are not the thinnest people.  “I want to look like the Barbie dolls!”  Really?  They did take a Barbie doll and blew it up to a life-size woman and found that a real woman can’t survive with those measurements.  (Here you go if you’re really curious:  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20055694-10391704.html).

We women are visually driven.  This comes from hunting for berries a long, long time ago.  (This is also why we are wonderful with the different shades of colors.  That’s not plain green, its sea foam green!) Not only that, we want perfection.  (Nope, that berry is bruised a little . . . might make the family sick!)  At some point though, we all need to figure out that we’re not picking berries for dinner anymore.  If our thighs, or arms, or stomach, or hips, or nose, etc. aren’t perfect, so what!  Someone out there thinks your perfect and you just need to stop and look at you through their eyes!  Maybe then, we’ll forget about “that particular part!”

My Crazy Life Keeps Changing

Tags

change, children, friends, insomnia, life, single mother

My life runs crazy all the time.  I have to ask myself, “So where are we today?”  Hmmm . . . today I woke up, went to the office, worked, came home, feed the kids, and now I’m blogging.  Tomorrow will be different.  The kids will be starting their Spring Break, I’ll work from home, after that, they’ll be gone for ten days with their dad and I’ll be alone.  Sounds like heaven and a break to some moms, but my life doesn’t slow down when they’re gone.  I’ll probably work every night and throw myself into catching up with everything.  Then again, I might work some and visit friends some.  I really won’t know until the end of the week.

“Crazy” in my life is an everyday occurrence.  In the past two (almost three) months, my life has changed exponentially!  As you probably know from one of my previous blogs, I called off the engagement and been single since the beginning of January.  Furthermore, I left my job with the Federal Government to work at a new law office with an attorney I worked for years ago.  With that, I get to work with someone I hold as a friend, get to run an office and I have the free reign to work at home.  On top of that, the dog has changed his chewing habits and is chewing on different stuff in the house.  (At least my shoes are safe now, however, the blankets around the house are not!)

My life has changed so much that my head is spinning (kinda like Betelgeuse’s was in the movie).  Everything has changed so drastically, its hard to get a grasp on life itself.  Work and kids during the week and friends and fun on the weekend.  Well, partially friends and fun on the weekend . . . I do tend to work on Sundays to help get ready for the week.  However, now soccer season has started up again!  Time to cram more into my busy schedule.

But when the boys go to bed around 9:00, it’s just me.  Me and my thoughts.  My time to digest everything and think about the day.  I’m usually working or tuning out on my iPhone with a new game I’ve downloaded.  But the mind keeps running a hundred miles per minute as to what needs to be done the next day.  Insomnia sets in and I lay in bed thinking and turning.  I found a quote today that I love and I believe is true:

If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he’d make a fortune. ~Griff Niblack

So would I change my crazy life to something that is quieter.  The house has calmed down with the children and the dog (only when the kids go to bed).  Run, run, run . . . would I have it any other way?  Nah!  Life is a roller coaster that we must all ride.  Sometimes it seems like its going fast, and sometimes your going slow around the turn for the next big hoorah!  Ride, baby, ride!!!

Solace

Tags

books, change, children, comfort, life, ramblings

I know. Guess I’ll start this like everyone else does when they have been absent from writing for a while.  Things have been busy and being that a lot of thinking has been going on lately, I didn’t want my writing to be effected by it.  Furthermore, due to my mood(s) (depending on the day, it could be plural), coming up with a subject matter has been difficult.  However, tonight the subject hit me and I guess its time for me to write again.

I took my boys to dinner tonight and looked at my oldest and said, “I feel like I want to go to Barnes and Noble, but nothing specific has come to mind to buy.”  He looked at me wide-eyed and stated, “Yes, we haven’t been in a while.  Let’s go!”  On our way to B&N my children and I discussed them getting a new book, as they had read the ones they had in their possession.  However, I still had not a clue what I was looking for when I arrived.  I soon found my answer.

We all walked into B&N together and the boys went running off to the sections they were interested in and it hit me like a brick.  I didn’t need a specific book.  I needed B&N.  Yeah, I know that sounds weird and it’s not specifically B&N I needed, because frankly any bookstore will work for me.  To be surrounded by that many books and have that much of a selection gives me a comfort and makes everything on the outside disappear.  I could spend hours (and have) in a bookstore just gazing at the many types of books, book spines, subject matter, the art work on the covers – I guess you’d say anything and everything about a book.

“So is this the first time I’ve gone to a bookstore for comfort?”, I asked myself.  I realized that it isn’t and it has happened several times in the past.  Since I got divorced four years ago, I have always held that one thing I love to do is going to a bookstore, getting a cup of coffee and sitting there reading the newspaper on a Sunday morning.  I have found myself at times visiting B&N or Books-A-Million on a whim because it was something I knew would make me happy and content.  Bookstores are my solace.  I’m not even really sure why.  My parents read a lot when I grew up and I did as well.  Furthermore, I love and enjoy writing.  It could be the fact that I know the authors of the books I look at put their heart and soul into it regardless of the subject matter.  It was a task, a goal, and a project that they put their blood, sweat and tears into while struggling with the idea, writing and publishing the book.  A sense of accomplishment is held in every book, no matter how “good” or “bad” it is.  The author saw the dream and thought it to be worthy enough to share with the world.

An hour went by and I helped my youngest find a new book to read (my oldest had his picked out in the matter of ten minutes).  It was beginning to be late and something had caught my eye as I walked around looking at the books like they were candy.  Poetry.  I don’t have a really good poetry book and in college, I fell in love with poetry.  The symbolism, meaning, and content of poetry attracted me.  I chose Good Poems selected and introduced by Garrison Keillor and already I’ve found a poem I really like:

She does not need to be loved by you; though she’ll give you credit for good taste.  Just because you say you love her; She’s not throwing herself at your feet in gratitude.

. . .

Most convincing, we know all this not by her preaching but by her presence — it’s no act. Every word and look and movement spells Independence: she likes being herself.

Mae West, Edward Field

From every trip I make to a bookstore, I always feel better when I leave with my new little treasure I choose to take home with me.  From the sound of my oldest’s response when I asked if we should go, maybe he’s a lot like his mother and finds solace at a good bookstore, as well!

Life’s Twists and Turns

Tags

change, hurt, life, love, ramblings, single mother

I have always been aware that life will throw you a twist or a turn that you don’t expect.  We all would like to believe that our lives will be rosy.  We’ll meet the perfect man or woman, things will come together and you will ride away on a horse into a sunset and live happily ever after.  If you are looking for one of my cute blogs, this is not one of them. This is a heartfelt, tear driven one that was a twist and turn in my life.

This evening, my fiance and I decided that we were not meant to get married.  We have been together for over three-and-a-half years.  We have gone through many trials and tribulations together — actually probably more than married couples do in the span of our relationship.  We have had new family members born into each of our families, we have faced a major heart surgery with him, we have seen marriages and divorces in the family and experienced life with two growing boys.  Let’s not even discuss the economy and the loss of job issues we’ve been through together.  We held each other through thick and thin and thought we could do the same for the rest of our lives.  We have discovered that we were mistaken and there is no horse to ride off in the sunset together on.  I love him and he loves me, but life threw its twists and turns and both of us walked down a different fork in the road.

I sit here blogging with my cup of tea, my dog sitting beside me and the memories (both good and bad) that we had together.  Our decision was mutual and for this I am thankful that the ending was a good one.  Why tarnish something that we had into an everlasting bad memory?  I don’t hold any grudges or dislike him.  It’s not in my nature by no means.  I will miss him and the good that he added to my life, but I also understand that we both want to be happy.  To do this, the fork came in the middle of the road.  His route was different from mine.  This is not to say that his route or mine were either right or wrong.  It just means that as our forks ran together at one point, the turns in the road came along and we followed our paths.  Time changes us all. This is human and we have to follow our paths to be happy.  Happiness is all we both ever wanted for each other, and for that, we follow our roads.

I will miss coming home to him in the evening having dinner made and being nestled in his arms with a warm kiss to greet me.  I will miss all his family members that I have grown to love and count them as my own.  I will miss the way he use to make me laugh by acting goofy.  I will miss a lot.

Love is a funny bird sometimes and one that can never be predicted.  We give our hearts to another and hope that they will caress it and gently hold it.  What we seem to forget is that love can be grand, but at other times it can hurt.  The decisions that must be made, hurt.  In time you heal and the wounds go away, but the scars remain forever.  The scars are what remind us of what we learned in the past and in the act of love.  As much as we all don’t like scars as they are ugly to look at, it is necessary to understand that there is a yen and yang to life.  Love does not come without scars.

So, I am no longer a girlfriend, a fiance, or a wife-to-be in September.  I am now a single woman sitting in her bed alone writing a blog, with a cup of tea, my cat at my feet and my dog laying beside me as I hold on to my wonderful memories of what was and what might have been.

P.S.  I got through this whole blog without crying till the very end.

Normalcy?

Tags

change, children, friends, Humor, life, normal, ramblings, random

The cat drinks out of the toilet and the dog (male) pees without hiking his leg.  Noah and Gabriel are so different personality-wise from each other, they definitely keep things active and at times you can hear the rumbling of fights throughout the house between the two of them.  I work during the day and sleep at night and my fiance does the total opposite.

Normalcy does not exist in my life, except for me working 9:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday through Friday.  Even that can be off from normal since I am going in earlier because I’m carpooling with my girl Cheryl.  (Thank you Cheryl!)   I know that no one has what is classified as a “normal life”, but someone had to come up with the term to have a definition for it.  Right?   

My friends wouldn’t really be classified as a “normal” set of friends either.  (Before you get offended, read further please.)  My friends come from a wide range of backgrounds and are all different ages.  I have friends with kids and no kids, married and single, in their 30s and 50s, and each one of them bring a special quality of life to the table.  It enriches my life every moment I spend with them.  I know if I want to sit around the house and do nothing, then I have someone to call and invite over to watch movies with me.  If I want to go out and burn down the town, then I know I have someone to call for that task as well.   However, if I ever need one of my friends to have my back and defend me, they ALL will do that.

My household runs a little bit different due to the schedules being so off-the-wall around my house.  Between me working during the day full-time and then on extra work at home in the evenings, I don’t have much time for anything personal.  The boys come home and are quiet so my fiance can sleep and even the two of them get home at different times.  (Luckily the older one comes home before the younger one gets off the bus.)  Dinner time around my house is a riot.  We’re slinging food, looking for something to make and the boys and I work together to get a meal cooked.  I wake my fiance up at 8:30 p.m. so he can eat dinner and get ready to leave for work at 9:30 p.m.  The boys go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 p.m., depending whether or not its a school night.  I’m exhausted come 10:00 p.m. and I barely see the news anymore. 

So, I guess the question above all of this blog would be, is my life not normal because I’m not normal?  I never claimed to be a normal person anyways.  I’m always full of energy, gumption and ready to take the world on, but at times I can be very laid back, quiet and just go with the flow of everything.  My schedule and life is so different from day-to-day, I don’t feel like normalcy is anywhere in my near future – especially with my oldest almost a teenager!  So, what do you think?  What is your definition of a “normal life”?  Does such a thing exist?  If so, how do we attain that goal and continue to maintain normalcy?

Men vs. Women

Tags

children, Girl, Humor, life, men, mother, ramblings, women

The ongoing battle

I guess its time for my little rant on how men differ than women.  Yes, the physical attributes are definitely noticeable, but have you really looked at the difference of lifestyles for the two sexes.  I am not a feminist, even though I do believe in equality for both genders.  I do understand that our emotional make-up does make us different in the way we view things and tasks.  So men, before you decide that you don’t want to read any further, please take just a moment and see a woman’s point-of-view on our lives.

We women see life as a series of tasks that need to be accomplished on a day-to-day basis, with the outlook of the week ahead of us.  By no means am I saying that men don’t view their tasks this way, and Lord knows I would never try to understand the way a man thinks.  Furthermore, I would never be so presumptuous to say that I understand a man’s way of thinking either.  Our job as a woman, girlfriend, fiance, wife and/or mother, is to keep track of everything.  Our brains have to operate like an elephants!  We keep the house running in an order that everyone is happy and comfortable.  You wouldn’t want to use a toilet that was grimy and nasty, would you?  You wouldn’t want to walk in and find dried spilled milk on the countertop with two sinks full of dishes when you get home from work, would you?  We keep things running in a fine tune order and that alone takes time to learn and accomplish.  Men don’t really seem to care about the latter two things as much as we women do.  I have noticed that two sink full of dishes can sit for days and the man just keeps saying “I’m going to get to that!”  Then, they try to cook and when they need one of the dirty dishes, they clean it off and use it.  Why not take the ten to fifteen minutes to wash all the dishes at once?  (I have ran this “experiment” before, so trust me on this one.)

I also noticed that women see that tasks need to be done regardless of how they feel.  I have cooked dinner, done dishes and laundry all in a night that I was running a fever.  Men are allowed to be babied and taken care of when they’re sick, but women must persevere and push through it.  Otherwise, everything that wasn’t done while you were sick, will still be sitting there when you get well.  As a mother, I have realized that unless I have the flu or can’t get out of the bed I still have keep the house in running order.  Even with the flu, I am still “Mommy” and my name gets worn out more at that time than any other.  I still have to help with homework, video games, glue on the eyeball of the teddy bear that even superglue won’t fix, all the way to answering questions as to what is wrong with me (this question is also asked a few billion times a day). 

I could keep going on and on with this subject, but I understand that you may not want to read all my ranting at one time.  Plus, what will I write about later.  I do want to make mention of one more difference.  When men are reading, watching TV or even working on a car, they are left alone to concentrate and take in the situation.  However, when we women try to read or work from home (that would be the part-time gig right now), it is almost impossible.  The attention that is given on anything else needs to be taken and given to the person that wants it at that very moment.  This is not just children that do this, but even grown men.  Therefore, women must have the ability to concentrate on multiple things at one time and be able to keep both lines of thought in an order that isn’t confusing to them or anyone else.  I try to work or read and that is the time that everyone wants to talk to me and tell me why this isn’t working anymore, or that the dog from across the street came over into our yard today.  If it was really important, couldn’t I have been asked or notified me before I sat down to concentrate?

Oh well, as much as work as it takes to keep things in running order, try to concentrate on multiple things at once and have a lack sleep, it is great being a female.  Men, take just a moment to think about what the woman in your life does around the house, for the kids and for you on a daily basis.  When you’re done thinking on that, then go give her a big hug and tell her that you appreciate her.  That’s all we want from time-to-time is just a little recognition.

Be careful what you ask for…

Tags

Humor, life, random, sick, single mother

“I will not get sick this winter!”

I have said this over and over since I was sick in October.  I have actually accumulated sick time at work and would like to keep some of it.  “Why did I not have any sick time?” you might ask.  Well, my fiance had open heart surgery in November 2010 and I have a great employer who advanced me time.  However, just like debt, it can take forever (or at least feel like it) to build it back up.  I finally got some hours built up and I have looked at them with happiness . . . until this week.

This is where I tell you why you should be careful what you ask for.  Have I been sick?  No.  However, I passed out Saturday night (no it wasn’t from drinking) at my friends’ house, hit my head on the stove and the hard concrete based floor.  The feeling of falling and your  body not doing what your brain is telling you (“Catch yourself stupid!”) is amazing in and of itself.  After falling and banging around a little bit, I blacked out, came to, blacked out and came to again.  I couldn’t move or say anything for a couple of minutes and finally mustered all my strength to say “Todd.”  Well, Todd and my friends came around the corner and took care of me.  Ahhh. . . good times.

“Did you go to the emergency room?” you might ask now.  No.  I’m stubborn.  (Insert evil grin here.)  The problem though is that come Sunday and Monday, I realized that I couldn’t remember anything and my balance was way off.  So, to the doctor I go.  Blood work was done and it came out good.  I left work with almost a half-a-day left.  There’s four hours!

Then, I had my yearly visit with the great “woman” doctor today.  If you’re a female, you probably love these visits just as much as I do (insert grimace here).  I even tried to talk him out of it this morning because I really didn’t feel like the visit today.  It didn’t work.  But on top of having the appointment today, my oldest came home from school early yesterday complaining that his head hurt, stomach nauseous, throat on fire and a fever.  Strep throat! AH! So as any good mother would do, I took him to the doctor today and between my doctor’s appointment and his doctor’s  appointment, work really had no place for today.  There’s eight hours!

Finally, I have tomorrow to look forward to in this grand week.  A CT Scan of my noggin is scheduled at 9:00 a.m. and I’ll be going in late.  I’m hoping its only an hour late, so I’m going to say. . . There’s one hour!

That’s a grand total of thirteen hours of sick leave this week.  Really?!  I wasn’t even “sick” I just bumped my head and possibly have a concussion.  I didn’t take anytime for resting or being so unbalanced I felt like my world was spinning constantly or for the throbbing pain that I’ve been experiencing in the spot I hit hard.  Nope.  I toughed it out and yet still thirteen hours are gone.  I guess I won’t be looking at those hours smiling and saying “I’m not going to get sick this winter!” anymore.  They are gone.  Time to start accumulating all over again. (Insert “sniff” here.)

So, be careful what you ask for.  I guess I have stuck to my mantra of not getting sick.  I sit here thinking that no matter how much you try to keep life in order, it still spirals and carries you where you it wants to take you.  Hold on!  Be careful what you ask for, you might just end up with a concussion and a sick child.

Building of a Christmas Tree

Tags

change, Christmas, decorating, holidays, life, memories, random, single mother

Building of the tree

As exhausted as I am from Black Friday shopping last night, I knew I had to get the house decorated today as is tradition in this household.  I know now that my job of decorating the house is done and I can work on Christmas shopping, baking, crafts and wrapping of presents.  The next month will be a busy one, as I’m sure everyone elses will be too.  But of all the things I enjoyed today, it was the “building” of the Christmas tree.

I call it “building” because that is exactly what I do each year.  My tree is a 6.5′ fake tree that I got my first Christmas divorced at Kmart on Black Friday.  The tree is prelit because there is nothing more that I hate to do than wrap lights around the tree.  So, first I have to drag it from the attic and get all the heavy pieces out of the box.  Then, I pull all the branches apart and make the tree look full.  This is a scratchy job that no one else in the house wants to do, so its me alone with Christmas carols playing for about two hours (depending on how many times “mommy” is called for this duration of pain I go through).  This always reminds me of that first Christmas divorced thinking that it was just me and the boys to decorate the tree and that it would be my job to place the angel instead of the “man” of the house.  I remember the independence as well as the fear of doing the whole Christmas season by myself for the first time.

Next, was the garland.  Normally I use tinsel garland which at the end of the season gets thrown away because I get upset with the mess it caused when I took the tree down.  This year, my fiance suggested getting the beaded garland as it reminds him of popcorn on the tree and I like that idea as well.  I wrapped the tree (this also is a job I do by myself). . . and re-wrapped the tree.  I can never get the garland to go around the tree perfect the first time.  Surprisingly, this is the same reason why I don’t like to do Christmas lights.  I stood back and appreciated the work I had done and hollered for the boys.